Alcohol-Free or Sobriety?
The choice is yours.
One of the most significant aspects of stopping drinking is the changes we go through in our self identity. How do we think of ourselves in our path forward and how do we describe ourselves to others? Eliminating alcohol is a game-changer and an act of self-determination. And with this choice comes a lot of questions about who you are as a (new) person who has decided to choose a life without alcohol.
In the early days, you are likely to feel uncertain about yourself, particularly when you are with friends and family who you have been drinking with for a long time. What do I say? How do I explain this? How do I say no to a drink offer? What if people ask if I’m an alcoholic? These are just some of the questions and fears that will be filling your brain during the early stages or your path forward.
And, if you feel defensive and uncertain in describing this new you, old doubts and temptations can creep back and lead you astray. Creating a personal story that feels right to you helps prepare you for situations that can feel difficult and awkward. And that often starts with the term to describe your new relationship with alcohol.
There is no right or wrong answer, either alcohol-free or sober are perfectly fine terms, but they do carry different cultural connotations. And you will discover quickly that you are not just fighting your old habits and beliefs about drinking, you are fighting cultural expectations that everyone drinks at every single social occasion. So I suggest picking one and sticking with it, and building your narrative and identity around it.
This is not intended to get into dictionary definitions or discussions of the different types of sobriety (eg “California Sober”) or the types of alcohol free beverages available now. This is about how you think of yourself and how you describe yourself to others. So let’s start here:
Sober is an older term, immediately understood and often used as a contrast to being drunk or as the only way to escape the disease of alcoholism.
Alcohol-Free is the newer term, and in addition to signaling an absence of alcohol is the reflection of a choice, absent much of the judgement that can come from sober or sobriety.
For me, I chose alcohol-free to identify myself and build my narrative. I had become a daily drinker without an off switch, with no ability to moderate. I knew I needed to make a change and it was going to be difficult. Making the decision to become alcohol-free felt like a positive choice rather than a choice of deprivation. While still nascent, the alcohol-free movement is beginning to gain hold, and represented a movement I wanted to join. Sobriety felt a bit punitive to me and I did not need to feel punished any longer. I choose to live my life alcohol-free and it feels good. I am not the problem, alcohol is. I have made the choice to kick alcohol out of my life, because it had me trapped and I refused to live in an artificially limited box created by alcohol any longer. I like to call it out and put the blame where it belongs, on alcohol. Living alcohol-free allows me to do that.
I could choose to use the term sober, but it doesn’t feel as strong or empowering as alcohol-free. Again, the choice is personal and can have the power to impact your belief in yourself and the narrative you create for you and for others.
How about you?