Alcohol and my Social Anxiety

One of the big reasons I drank was to make myself feel more comfortable in social situations. This was particularly true at work-related events, or as I thought of them, “forced socialization”. As a natural introvert, I was never comfortable in these events, and was always on-guard to avoid feeling embarrased or being asked a question in a group of people, where everyone else seemed so damn comfortable. I hated it.

Over time, I discovered that a few drinks would make me feel more relaxed and at times I could even have fun. Looking back, I think this new feeling of comfort was such a relief to me, that I would keep drinking. Over time, I became that drinker without an off switch, never able to moderate or have just one or two.

My wife points to a particular situation which she believes shifted this behavior into overdrive. I was attending a close friend’s 40th birthday party and was asked to give a toast. There were about 25 people at the party and I was a nervous wreck. It was all I could talk about on our three hour drive to the party. I had a few drinks before my toast and I felt good and actually enjoyed it. People laughed, my friend was happy and I thought to myself “I can actually do this”.

While I’m glad that toast went well, in retrospect it set me on a path of wanting to recreate that feeling, over and over again. My behavior at social events became more dependent on alcohol and became more outrageous. Toasts became roasts, speeches, comedy skits and even raps. I was quite the life of the party as I drank more and pushed boundaries further. I was often quite funny, but I would also occasionaly insult people, embarass myself and need to apologize for my behavior the next day. My family and close friends were worried. Who had I become? I think back on those times and cringe.

What I didn’t know at the time and have since learned is that alcohol shuts down the prefrontal cortex in our brains, which is responsible for our rationale decision making. I had no idea the real reason for this behavior other than being drunk. What I know now is that when my brain was out of whack, my behavior followed.

What happened to me is very common among intoverts, who often drink to fit-in. I thought alcohol was an elixer to my introverted nature….until it wasn’t. I am approaching one year alcohol-free, and I recently received my certification to coach others become free of alcohol. Life takes unexpected turns.